Popularity of MTV's "The Hills" defines why America is the greatest country in the world.

“The Hills,” MTV’s smash “reality” show featuring an “in-depth” look at the lives of a few hot, privileged, L.A. socialites has become one of the most popular shows in the famed cable channel’s history and has officially entered the mainstream pop culture consciousness.

Why you ask?

Because the overwhelming popularity of “The Hills” defines why America is the greatest nation in the world.

But how can a reality show define anything?

Well, first, let’s be clear, not one shred of this show is reality.

Yes, it is reality in the fact that these events did actually take place, much akin to the fact that I played Sgt. Robbie Ross in Glenbard West High School’s production of “Our Country’s Good,” but that is for a different day, a different blog. The point is these people do not completely act upon their own self will nor do they create the dramatic scenarios they conveniently find themselves in every week. The only difference between the “reality” on “The Hills” and Mr. Fox’s sparkling rendition of “Our Country’s Good” for the parents of Glen Ellyn, IL (besides me using a cat-o-nine-tails whip, like a said different blog) is that the cast members of “The Hills” do not use a printed scripted per say, but they operate on about the closest thing to it, producer manipulation.

The people on “The Hills” in no way represent real life or even a reflection of real life. Sure there a handful of people in Hollywood who live their lives similar to the way these idiots do but the big difference is these idiots are making money and more importantly their total lack of a human soul is on display for all the world to see and will live for ever (on video, not their career).

And we need to proceed in that fashion people. This show is voyeurism, which is great, I am all for it, we live in that type of society. Why do you think all those celebrity magazines get sold? (not to mention all those XXX videos but I digress).

However, lets be clear, what we like watching is idiots make complete fools of themselves on TV, destroying their integrity and any shot at a real or normal existence in front of millions of people. I love it! I don’t love the show itself, I would rather host a rabid wolverine battle in my boxer briefs than view another episode but I love the idea of it. What is represents.

It is very American.

This is the kind of stuff Americans thirst for. It is an essential piece of any good comedy or drama, twisted, conflicted, sometimes stupid characters. A specific part of that is voyeurism, people love seeing other people act brainless on TV.

Fact.

Why?

Because it’s fun!

Even back to the days of Evil Knievel, or even farther back to Laurel & Hardy and The Three Stooges. It’s an American pastime to see fools act...well...foolish!

Nowadays, it has reached a point where we like to see people completely ruin their lives and shatter any semblance of integrity they may have, for real! It is truly at the core of what entertains us. You can take it all the way back to the days of the Roman Gladiators being mauled by tigers in front of 50,000 people; we love to see people get ruined

No matter what the ramifications are (there are none), we love to watch people self destruct for real. Hell, VH1 has built a whole network around it! It is one of the most American things you can do, to laugh at someone who had it all or had potential and threw it all away on the sheer basis of their own stupidity and arrogance. Elliot Spitzer your table is ready...

We Americans love those tragic figures. The fall from grace. It’s compelling. It’s dramatic.

This is the same with any production, the key to drama is conflict, oh baby there is plenty of that on “The Hills” but since it is using real people with real places, even though not one shred of it occurs organically, it heightens the drama incredibly because the viewer says “Oh man, I can't believe people would behave this way!”

That fact of the matter is they are not in control of their own lives.

And the best part is, this is their choice!

No, the best part is we get the good ‘ol American feeling of superiority when we watch these brain dead hookers get played like fiddles right in front of our eyes! They don’t even know what they’re doing or saying! It’s great! They just go along with it, thinking that they are really living these awesome lives and that this is all going to stay as is. What a joke! Hahahaha! It’s so American! It’s like how we treat Canada, “Ok Canada, you go ahead thinking you’re all sweet with your ‘Ice’ beer and your Nickleback but when it’s time for world affairs to be discussed, you just let us do the talking, ok?” These girls are just so overwhelmed with the attention that they are convinced that what they are doing has relevance or that these situations exist in their truest form.

I am not saying these girls aren't outrageous drama queens who would stab their best friend in the back to gain a centimeter on the social ladder because they certainly are but when I say these situations don’t exist in their truest form, I mean that real people aren't followed around by a horde of cameramen, directors, producers, grips, gaffers, audio techs, pa's, production managers, segment producers, executive producers, make up, hair, wardrobe, assistant directors, second assistant directors, etc. etc.

If we all had that kind of crew we would all have to buy a lot more seats at the ball game! Count it!

Seriously though, do you think its just luck that every single time they are sitting in a club or whatever, the camera is perfectly placed to capture the exact moment when THE BIG DRAMATIC TWIST HAPPENS.

No it’s not because it's all set up.

And that's why in this beautiful voyeuristic playground we call "reality" TV, we must be very careful.

First, we must realize that these people are not actually living these lives in any real sense. Let me be clearer, if these bimbos didn’t have a TV show, they wouldn't even be able to smell the money or any part of the somewhat glamorous lifestyle they portray on the show. So we need to be upfront with our teenage daughters or furthermore, our woman and gay men around the country who watch this show, that this is not something to emulate.

It can not be replicated so don't even try. It’s like thinking you could somehow actually find The Doc in Hill Valley, CA and travel in the Deloreon back to 1955 to attend the “Enchantment Under the Sea Dance,” it’s not real, it’s fantasy.

Second, it is important that when talking to me about my life in LA that you don't mention one word about the god damn “Hills.” I don't see them, I don't know them, I don't know where they and I really really don't care. There are 4 million people in this city so get your head out of your ass.

Thirdly we must understand that this is full out manipulation.

It’s like a cult and the producers are the leaders but only in this cult you get a hefty paycheck and venereal disease.

They are trying to recruit more for their cult through the airwaves. I’ve seen it out in LA. These done up girls who just go to parties and clubs, have sex with rich guys and look hot. That is what they do, for a living. Yeah, like L.A. needs more of that.

And while it is fun to watch these pathetic, no talent, whorish, self loathing, disgusting scum on the bottom of my boots, single celled organism-girls completely shred their credibility and reduce their lives to stinking piles of horse manure on TV, we must educate our young women that “The Hills” lifestyle is not attainable and more importantly, not to be desired.

Take the show for what it is. Pure voyeuristic, American, fun; watching idiots be idiots.

However, proceed at your own risk. These people on “The Hills” know they're going to be on TV, they know they're going to be on magazines and that’s great for a while but their career is built on nothing. Nothing tangible anyway and that is not something strive for in any regard.

“Hey, what do you do?” “Oh I go on TV and act like a slut.”

The huge difference here is the usual representation of a slut is through the portrayal of a character on a scripted program. That is why this is such an interesting time we live in because the line is being blurred so much that these people are playing caricatures of themsleves.

The producers of “The Hills” just took out that whole annoying little task of creating interesting, compelling characters and just fed boos to couple catty, fairly good looking, trust fund sluts and watched them go at it.

What could be better than that!

What’s weird is you would think that this type of format would have the makings of a great “Girls Gone Wild” video or something you would see on the “Man Show” (classic) but oh no! It’s women who love it!

It’s no secret that the vast majority of “The Hills’” 3.5 million viewers are women.

Here's why; it makes them feel better about their own existence. The suburban housewife with 5 kids in Tennessee stressed out of her mind, the 15 year old in Dayton, Ohio bored out to tears or the successful sales professional in her mid 20’s. These types of woman need justification that they made the right choices in their life and seeing these disgusting, pretentious, falsely arrogant, children run around like the whole world is a circus on blow, drives that point home and they feel good.

It feels good to laugh at these idiots. It’s a nice little pep up every week.

I do not mean to demean or patronize these types of people or these areas of the country. Hell, I’m from a small town in the Midwest. I am saying quite the opposite. I am saying this show serves a purpose. It gives confidence to anyone who thinks that their life might have been better off had they run off to Hollywood or their life may have been more fulfilling had they strived for a more “glamorous” lifestyle and chose something different.

“The Hills” reinforces all that is evil and soulless in reality TV. I work in TV and I’m saying that!

I am also saying that is not a bad thing, it’s a great thing, it’s entertainment. It’s America.

I mean what a wonderful thing “The Hills” is; you kill two birds with one stone. On the one hand, you get completely ruin the lives of awful people who deserve it and on the other, we get entertained by the whole thing in our living room, sitting in our underwear.

Now, that’s more American than apple pie. :)