INDIANA JONES AND THE GREATEST EXTORTION SCHEME IN MODERN MOVIE HISTORY

Let’s Be Clear: THIS IS NOT A REVIEW OF INDIANA JONES 4, THIS IS AN EXAMINATION OF THE CULTURAL AND ECONOMIC EFFECTS THE FOURTH INSTALLMENT OF THIS FRANCHISE HAS PERPETUATED:

“It’s like ripping a band-aid off.”

This was the response from my good friend upon being asked why he had to see the new Indiana Jones Movie. He continued:

“You know it’s going to be painful, you just have grit your teeth and do it.”

This is the analogy from a “true fan” of the Indiana Jones franchise. Comparing the hallowed trilogy to the painful task of ripping a band-aid off of a healed wound; Momentary pain followed by the relief of the experience being over............................Something is very, very wrong here.

I am quite sure that the purpose of making films is to incite the exact OPPOSITE reaction from an audience. And yet, one weekend and an over $300 million haul for a film that is being compared to getting tetanus shots.

The critical reviews have been relatively mixed, even boarding on a positive majority. Yet, of the 30 or so people I have spoken with, not one has given it a thumbs up. In fact, a distinct sense of ire, disdain and disgust for this film was evident in most of their opinions.

It has gone as far as people posting their opinions on Facebook:
Ashley “wishes George Lucas would stop screwing everything up”

Mark says “Indy 4, not good”

Kim “is warning you....do not go see the new Indiana Jones! Yes, Harrison Ford is still sexy but no amount of sexiness can save this movie”
And that is just a small sample of what I have been reading all week.

So why are all these people submitting to George Lucas’ version of water boarding? Are we a country of masochists? (Some would argue yes, citing the outrageously high ratings for MTV’s “The Hills”....but that is for a later blog.)

Why would people all over the world march en mass into theatres, over $300 million worth, to witness something that they are pretty sure is going to be a waste of time and make them mad?

We need to look no further than the sheer genius of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. Two of the most lauded filmmakers of all time have successfully pulled off the largest extortion scheme in modern movie history.

ex·tor·tion [ik-stawr-shuh n] –noun
1. an act or instance of extorting.
2. Law. the crime of obtaining money or some other thing of value by the abuse of one's office or authority.
3. oppressive or illegal exaction, as of excessive price or interest:

Let’s focus on the second definition above. Specifically, “by the abuse of one’s office or authority.”

GEORGE AND STEVEN ARE THE AUTHORITY, at least in terms of creating memorable cinematic experiences; Star Wars, E.T., Jaws, Jurassic Park, and yes, Indiana Jones. And that is just the tip of the iceburg in relation to what these guys have contributed to film making over the years. My point is, when these guys make a film, especially together, and they tell us to go see it, we pony up the ten bucks and go and see it.

2. Law. the crime of obtaining money or some other thing of value by the abuse of one's office or authority.

Which is why what they have done with “Indiana Old and the Kingdom of the Crystal Crapfest” is good ‘ol fashioned extortion. Prof. Harold Hill from the “Music Man” couldn’t have pulled it off better himself. There are so many people that HAVE to see this movie. Let me repeat, not WANT TO but HAVE TO spend the ten dollars, no matter what, simply out of affection for a classic hero character that gave them so much joy. It’s homage if you will, a ten dollar donation to the “Keeping Harrison Ford’s Career Relevant Fund.” Although this fund is not charitable in any regard, it flows directly into the pockets of George, Steven, Dreamworks, Paramount and the rest of the “Authority.” Which makes it extortion. On the grandest scale possible.

Now, I want to be very clear, I DO NOT THINK THIS IS A BAD THING. In fact, I think it’s genius. The type of scheme only concocted by some of the smartest, savviest entrepreneurs to ever walk Hollywood Blvd.

Furthermore, I BELIEVE GEORGE AND STEVEN DESERVE IT.

The ability of a film to sell over $300 million worth of tickets on one weekend as the direct result of being attached to a film franchise that is almost 20 years old is truly incredible. Especially in an industry as fickle as Hollywood, for a franchise to have that type of staying power means only one thing; this is a canon of films that have that have left indelible impact on the memories and imaginations of millions of movie fans worldwide, enough of an impact that 20 years after the fact these fans are willing to shell out millions of dollars just to see the new movie in its first weekend of release. That’s powerful stuff.

If you have that kind of control over such a large audience, it’s kind of hard not to be like, “Well......umm.....how do you feel about making $800 million?” “Hmm, well......I guess I could be into that.”

For the record, the Star Wars franchise is exempt because the scripts were written thirty years ago and had to be made, end of story. Not enough time to dissect that beast. The “Lord of the Rings Trilogy” is in the same boat, “The Hobbit” was already written. This post speaks directly to act of just creating an additional film out of nowhere, years after the fact.

Do I think Indy Four is bad? Yes.

Do you I think George and Steven set out to phone this one in? No.

In fact there’s a reason they took so long to make this latest installment, they needed the right script. I truly believe George and Steven wanted to make something worthy of Indy franchise if not to just to maintain the integrity of their respective brands but also to deliver something respectable to millions of people that have clearly stuck with them. Oh yeah, and they needed to maintain a solid 8 week theatrical run and keep the momentum for a monstrous DVD sales push. (Can you say Christmas-time box set? Cha-Ching!)

I know that I am throwing out the word extortion a lot here and it kind of seems like a nasty word but I think it’s just funny how this whole crazy movie business works. George and Steven and not criminals but this whole Indy thing is a form of extortion, at least in a tongue and cheek, sarcastic, works-for-my-blog-topic kind of way.


Did I get caught in the whole Indy hoopla? No.

I wasn’t really a fan of the franchise back in the day, Raiders of the Lost Ark is far and away the best film of the three and pretty entertaining one at that and I can see where the fans’ excitement comes from. I can share other people’s enthusiasm for the upcoming Batman film but that is more based of my obsession with director Christopher Nolan’s previous superhero endeavor, “Batman Begins” (not to mention both films are shot almost exclusively in Chicago).

So, I get it and obviously Steven and George get it. There’s a market out there for these additions to famous franchises. But it’s a slippery slope:

Clearly, another significant part of this whole phenomenon is reviving aging movie stars’ careers. Sylvester Stallone perfected this method with the recent “Rocky” and “Rambo” revivals. He not only made a ton of money, put himself back in the public eye but did so with films from franchises that people weren’t even clamoring for!

Harrison Ford looks at Sly and says, “I gotta get me some of that.”

Ford was recently quoted a Cannes film festival as saying he would play Indiana Jones as long as they’d let him.

Yeah, I’ll bet. This coming from a guy who hasn’t made a decent flick in over a decade. You don’t need to reprise the sure fire winner role for us to like you. I don’t want to use the word pathetic..............tired maybe?

This is why we need to be careful.

We can’t go crazy tacking on prequels and sequels to every beloved film franchise from the last 50 years.

This being the point of my post, I pray the market does not allow for a slew of additions to some of our most beloved franchises. Because let’s be honest here, the market dictates what sells and what doesn’t. If there is demand, it will be supplied, and sometimes that means $300 million in one weekend for sub par film.

But it could spell disaster in the future, I can see it now:



“The Godfather IV” starring Lauren Conrad from MTV’s “The Hills.”
A granddaughter of the Corleone family leaves New York to pursue a career in partying and looking hot in LA. All the while, accompanied her wacky, “out of touch” grandfather that just might make any rascally young men “Sleep with the Fishes! Hahaha!” “Action!” “Romance!” “Desire!” “Shoes!” This summer, LC will put the Orgy in Organized Crime! Directed by Bret Ratner.





“The Good, the Bad and the Ugly pt. 2: Hawaiian Adventure” starring Cameron Diaz, Patrick Dempsey and America Ferrera.
See what happens when these cool “compadres” go “loco” in Maui! Forget the horses, forget the dust, this is fresh, sexy “film” takes you on a roller coaster of FUN! FUN! and more FUN! See Cameron “accidentally” hit Patrick in the head with a banana while they both wear swimming suits! America Ferrera will smile with braces in this sassy new comedy from the creators of “Good Luck Chuck”


If they even think about touching “Back to the Future” I am going jump off a bridge.

Unless, it’s the re-envisioning of my favorite trilogy as a gritty drama starring Marty Mcfly as a renegade cop bent on doling out old fashioned justice. With the help of chemical terrorist side-kick “the Doc” they tirelessly battle the army robots controlled by the ruthless dictator Biff in the now dystopian landscape of Hill Valley.

And you thought it was going to be all politics........